Writing righting...

I want to be a writer.  I want to write for myself and for others.  I feel submersed with no direction because I cannot figure out a way to get out what I want to say.  I'm not even sure I know what I want to say.

I've applied to a university for graduate studies in creative writing.  I'm hoping that will help me figure out what I want to write and how to go about writing it.

I keep reading blogs telling me I am my own procrastinator.  I have writer's block because I have doubt.  I need to deny the doubt to promote the writing.  I just don't know what I'm doing.

I feel bemused.

~~**~~

The Boy makes things better.  He's great with the hugs and the technical stuff.  I absolutely adore him, there is no question of that.  Even when he makes me insane, I still care a lot about him.  That makes me wonder if I'm changing the rules, although I'm not sure we've ever actually set rules for this nonsense.  I find myself taking into account his opinion more often than not.  Hell, I even let him take an active participation in what I wear.  I tend to catch myself dressing to his appeals.  And mine, but I still consider his reactions.

I don't know what happened to me that I don't make decisions for myself much anymore.  I mean I'm sure I could look back and reflect on situations that could have brought me to this point.  But still... Why have I seem to have backed down from everything??

I know I've been called a "bully" by some of my family.  I don't think I am.  I think I'm just strong willed and when I present a valid argument to a disagreement, I'm called a "BULLY."  What the hell is that?  I think it's absolutely absurd how some people throw words around as if they know what the hell they are talking about.

Seriously!  I feel like many people should be given dictionaries and thesauruses for presents this year.  Just because a word has become part of "popular culture" doesn't mean that it is used correctly, nor does it mean it should be used at all!  I'm not saying "bully" is an inappropriate word.  I'm saying that someone that stands up for their own beliefs and thoughts should not be called a "bully," or "bitch" for that matter, simply because you disagree.  It's childish to resort to name calling, in the first place.  Secondly, no one is forcing you to agree, you just need to be open to accepting that is their position and leave it at that.  We are a society full of nonsensical people and too much technology, we have lost our social interactions to a degree that people do not know how to respond to one another anymore.  It's hostile and demeaning, who wants to deal with all of that??

Ugh!  I'm over today as a whole...

I guess I should keep blogging though...

So Grumpy had surgery last week.  He had his kidney removed due to a large tumor located in it.  Come to find out once they pulled the organ out, they kept it enveloped in the layer of fat surrounding it, which was a very good thing, because that layer of fat had another even larger tumor in it.  So Grumpy has had a major battle with cancer in several forms at this point.  That renal cell though could have actually done him in.  Supposedly we are on the mend now, but I guess only time will tell.  He's 9 days post-op and relocated to the Hospital Stupid near the house.  Swelling has increased and he has a new massive bruising beyond the incision, so I guess we will see what that becomes.  DQ is kinda crazy with all this surgery/cancer stuff.  I'm not even sure she remembers herself most days.  Who knows.  It's all a little bizarre in our world right now.

But the Boy is good.  The Boy is sweet.  The Boy woke me up this morning when he came in from the library at 3am.  It was oddly easier to sleep with him home.  Amazing how a bed can go from feeling foreign and uncomfortable to perfect with the addition of one person.  I just hope I make someone feel that way one day.

Okay, I'm seriously annoying myself.  I'm gonna go attempt to be productive.  I have a memoir to pen.  

Wish me luck, blogspot.

xxmiid

Points in our lives

At what point in our lives does a action become a dictation of our character?  When does a "night out with the girls" turn you into an irresponsible drunkard?  How can a relationship with someone for you the title of "cougar"?  Why does it all have to come with labels?  Why can't we be who we are and be appreciated for that?!?

I have recently made a choice in my personal life to become physically involved with a friend.  This friend is quite a bit younger than me but our intellectual and mental levels are similar.  We are great friends and we click well physically, most of the time.  Why should it matter we are almost a decade apart?  That doesn't change our chemistry.  It doesn't dictate what topics we discuss or how well we work together.  It just works.  Why is it I almost feel shamed when people bring up our age difference?!?

Since when do I care what anyone else thinks, first and foremost?  And what kind of a person am I that I let people, who are completely inconsequential to my life, have any judgement or even comment about my relationships?!?  I am an adult.  I don't need some stupid radio personality calling me foul names like "cradle robber" or "cougar"!  I don't need to feel shamed that I've found someone who is in the exact same place I am (mentally and emotionally) and we get along great!  The fact we tolerate each other is a testament alone.  But we actually get along well and learn from each other daily.  What's wrong with that?!?  I am an old soul, I always have been.  It's nice to finally get to feel young and free for once in my life. I don't think I should be condemned for that.  I'm not hurting anyone.  We aren't breaking any laws.  And there is no grounds for moral ambiguity. So what's the big friggin deal?!?

I wish, more often than not, that people would just STEP OFF!