Adult tantrum

So I've had a lot on my mind lately... and yeah, I know I suck at life because I haven't posted.. eh, get over it. I'm posting now.

So I've been dating this man. I suppose you can say dating, I don't know, been a little gun-shy since The Kid, ya know? Anyhow, I spent the weekend at his apartment and just hung out, did a little homework, watched a few movies, nothing spectacular.  Sunday morning, he throws a little temper-tantrum about the day getting away from him, no big deal.  He's kinda an impassioned type similar to myself so I don't say anything, just let him go.  We finally get around to taking me back to my place, where I've offered to do his laundry to kinda take some of the stress out of his day, and he flips out on his car.  Yes, I meant to write that he flipped out on his car.  He throws his ball cap across the dashboard, pretty forcefully then proceeds to yank, kick and punch his car because the seatbelt doesn't extend when yanked.  He's sitting in the driver's seat yanking on the seatbelt again when I realize I'm terrified and furious.

I'm actually sitting there, stock still, watching this all play out and I'm getting angrier by the second.  I realize I'm actually waiting for the moment his fist or elbow comes flying at my face.  I don't think I've ever been so terrified of actually getting belted in the face.  This is where my anger flames.  I'm furious he's acting worse than a toddler. I'm livid at myself for being so scared. And I'm ENRAGED he's put on this display that scares me so much.  Mind you, he didn't actually yell at me, he was grunting and screaming at the car.  But it's a car, it's not like I was 20 feet away watching this, I'm already seatbelted in the passenger seat frozen still.

I didn't react other than to keep from moving.  Hell the 7 minute drive I was still afraid to make any sudden movements or speak, just in case his fury was simmering under the surface.  I've never been so disappointed in myself, though.  I'm disappointed I allowed myself into that situation.  I think im disappointed that I even bothered to begin with.  He said nice things to me. Fed me all those compliments that actually make me uncomfortable but still feel a little appreciated.  I don't know.  Im still kind of reeling from the whole scene.  It's weird.

He text me Sunday night saying it all had "little to do with" me. HA! More like it had NONE to do with me.  I haven't responded.  I don't feel like absurdities such as those warrant a dignified response from me.  I'm getting out of town this weekend.  I just don't want to bother with new people here anymore.  I leave soon and ya know, maybe that's for the best.

College town, here I come this weekend.  I've missed my friends.  Maybe it's time to just worry about those already in my heart and refrain from adding new strife.

Thinking about this is making my skin crawl, I think I'm going to head out and get in a good workout.  Rocks living in town!  Now the gym is just a 3 min drive instead of 20!!

Keep warm, reader.  Happy February.