DQ says I should write my story first. The story of how my heart broke and never really healed right. I've thought about it a few times. I hate that story. It still hurts. I wonder if maybe I should write it out, but how does one begin that? "Once upon a time..." "Call me Stupid.." None of those seem very fitting however accurate some may be.
I wonder if I should write a letter to the person that broke me so stinkin' well that every single man in my life now has a mark on him. It is because of him I wait. I wait til the punch line falls now. I wait for that same moment I have subconsciously relived every day since I was 13. Maybe I should write him a letter. Tell him how he broke me. Tell him that of all the things in my life he could have preyed upon, he picked the ONE THING that sliced me open. That blade cut through bone with its sharpened edge. I can still feel the blood weeping from that little girl's heart. Maybe I should tell him how much he's always meant to me? How screwed up I am now? How it infuriates me that since 5 he has been a constant in the back of my mind?
What good would that do anyone?? It's not as if he'll remember how much I once meant to him, or at least he pretend I meant to him. He probably won't be moved to respond with an acknowledgement of his wrongdoings, let alone an apology. It's been 16 years since he gutted me in public. Why would he even bother now?
Why should I?
Oh right. Because it is still effecting me. His actions as an adolesent dumbass haunt me well into my adulthood. What the hell?? I'm inclined to slap him when I think about it too hard. What sucks the most is I'd still do anything for him.....
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