So I received an envelope from my aunt Ja. I was expecting something silly like a news article, a note, a sticker or even a magnet, something that falls into our typical relationship. Instead, I find an envelope with money. Now I know most of you would be stoked about that. I'm not a rich person--in fact I'm broke-- but this envelope full of cash hurts my heart in more ways than one.
So a few months/weeks/whoknows ago, my cousins in the panhandle ran into a little medical "snaffu," so to speak. My eldest cousin Elvis has two beautiful children with a very rare genetic condition. Their health is severely impacted by fat.
But, MiiD, everyone's health is impacted by fat.
Yes, but they are special and I'll tell you why. SC&PBCup have a protein lacking in their body that breaks down fat. The average person carries an enzyme that can break down the daily intake of fat, keeping the blood vessels free of the excess. SC&PBC don't have that enzyme so the fat doesn't get broken down.
That's sad, but I'm missing the point...
There is a over the counter weight loss pill that can help SC&PBC break down the lipids (fats) in their body. Elvis found out the company was recalling the newest batch so there was concern the kids wouldn't have what they need.
Me, being the lazy person I am, bought some pills (before we knew the kids could use them) to assist in my incessant battle with the scales. (See, I'm so lazy I didn't even finish taking them... Sheesh!) Knowing Elvis couldn't get what they needed, I posted mine to them. I mean come on, they are family!!! Who wouldn't send them, right??
So here's the weepy part. I received that envelope with cash and a very nice little note about being a saviour for sending the pills. But, man. It hurts to read that. I think about it and I'm disgusted with myself.
I've been waging a war in my brain since opening that envelope. The campaign is smashing valuable brain cells, but then I think what the hell am I using them for?!!?
Those kids were diagnosed when I was still a teen, I could have really made something of myself and become a doctor or something to help them. But I didn't. I got a degree in literature--what the hell??!?!??
As if that's not enough to just disgust myself, my conscience does a real number on me with the rest of the battles....
I think, how awful of a person must I be that a "blessing" sent to my family would have a reciprocation attached? Do people think I expect to be compensated? Or worse, do I expect people to think I need to be compensated??!? It hurts so much to think that my family could think so little of me. It guts me further to think I have given them reason to think such heinous things.
Then I worry, is this how my family has received assistance before?? They expect to pay people for the basics they need to survive!!??!? What an awful way to live!!! Not that they should expect things for free, but why is it that someone can't send something without any "buts", "ifs", "ors", etc? Has society allowed us to become this dastardly?!????
I grew up in a large family. I know I don't share about them much because, really, I've not seen all of them at once in probably 10 years or longer. But I've never stopped loving their crazy, stupid, and ridiculous selves. I love hearing about their kids and what they've been up to. I miss them all dearly. We may not get on as well as we all used to, but they are still my blood. And I'll be damned if I will second guess giving anything to any one that needs it, especially my family!
Elvis or his family needed a kidney, I'd drive into the city to get tested as a match. There is no hesitation, no question.
I am plagued now by this "blessing," as my Aunt Ja says, I have received in return. My task was so trivial it really didn't make sense not to send the bottle. It wasn't much. It wasn't even a full bottle, but it was all I had. I would have shopped the entire state for them if they needed. But for one silly little bottle that was already in my medicine cabinet... I just can't think. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this whole situation.
I like to think I am not such a selfish person. I hope I'm not. Now if one of my siblings came asking for a kidney.... Ahh, I might stop and think on that for a minute or two first. ;)
I think I need to evaluate my relationship with Elvis and his family, including his mum Aunt Ja, and then reevaluate the way I conduct myself.
If you lack and I have the spare, I hope you know I will be there.
Xx,
MiiD
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