Random Midnight Surfing

So random late night surfing and I've found myself my very own Christmas present....

Merry Christmas to me!!

yummm.... :) Man I can't wait for rugby season.... *le sigh*

Oh yeah, sorry back to random late night surfing.....

Dangerous concept... I know....

But seriously... there is a website dedicated to Ticklish Male Celebrities... it's kinda amusing I have to admit... good stuff... although I kinda wonder about the idiot that found out Tito Ortiz (BAMF UFC Fighter) is infact ticklish... that just seems like a dumb move to me, but ya know...

I figure everyone is ticklish somewhere right? Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I was actually tickled.... hmmm... it's not like you can tickle yourself right.... maybe I'll find the nearest pub and make an announcement for people to come tickle me.... ha yeah I'm sure that will go over well.

What about you, are you ticklish????

PS Google images is a dangerous thing... I'm just saying....

*VENT* Ugliness is not hereditary

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I mean I guess it's either sheer stupidity or sheer naivety. I'm sure it will never change. I'll always be the wicked that takes advantage over everyone and is so mean and so self absorbed and just "ugly". And you'll always be the saintly that gets taken advantage of and spoken to so rudely and blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!

Forget this!!!

I DO NOT DESERVE THIS. I am a nice person. I am polite. I am considerate.

Show me who I don't treat like that. Then let's look at the whole picture and see why that might be.... truly....

You want to cut yourself out of my life so much, then do it. I'm not pushing you. You are the one pushing. So here... want this... I'll be gone in a year or so anyhow. Keep pushing... See where that leaves you..... Cos it won't be on my doorstep, that's for damn effing sure!!!

And ya know if you want things your way so much, then go rent someone to agree with you. I've never been a "yes man" so don't expect it now.

I'm done!

Inane Questions Answered

So here's the pooh....

I get 60 text messages, yes 6-0 text messages from one person. Debating back and forth over some stupid topic. Here's my deal. I don't care. Either you wanna do something or you don't. You want this or you don't. You have plans or you don't. None of this back and forth crap.

Seriously!

Just so there is no more confusion (since there obviously is) here are my answers:

If you want to come over to my apartment, then come over. You know where it is, you know how to knock, just do it.

If it is Monday through Friday and day time, I AM busy and I'm sorry but I cannot hang out.

Dude, Don't ask me if I want to 'hang out', either ask me out somewhere or don't. You don't wanna go out, fine, ask me to come over for a movie or better yet just tell me you are bringin a movie over.

Yes, I'm more than likely hungry because I've probably forgotten to eat.

No, I probably don't have plans for a random Sunday and shopping would be great.

__________, I'd love to go there, let's plan it out.

Yes, I'm ready to workout.

Sure, if you don't want it, thank you.

Let's see... are there any others? Oh wait, yeah.. Yes, you can borrow ________. Just bring it back. (*ahem, this means you, I'd like my things back... and yes, I'm talking to YOU*)

So are we clear?? Any other questions??

Just so that's all in the clear. People, let's start this now. Texting kills (teens sexting kills too, cos daddies in Texas carry shot guns; word to the wise: don't do it!) let's keep the inane questions to a minimum. I'd really appreciate spending my 30th birthday not in jail for murder. I'm just saying...

So now that I feel better about that. Anything good this weekend?? I've been debating back and forth on whether or not to post back blogs, just so they are all in one place (ps thanks for being my sounding board). Any thoughts on the matter? Any suggestions? I never really know who reads my stuff, so those that are here, thank you. Those that aren't, well sod off yeah you're not reading this rubbish anyway, yeah?

Alright kids... it's been.... um... educational. Speak soon, yeah?

H&K

*Back Blog* Wed Mar 1, 2006

*time for today's philosophical hour*

what happens when you shed every wall from yourself... your shells, your masks, your humor... to where there is nothing left but just you and your raw emotion... would you be tolerable? could you find someone to love you like that? could you love yourself? do we really need all these defenses all the time? is there ever really a time when we "let our guard down"? they say animals are a good judge of character... does that mean that when i am just me with my dog, he's there because he loves the nitty-gritty bareall me? or is it just cos i'm a warm body to be near? are we all just warm bodies to one another???

*Vent* Just Me....

I'm just me.

I can't be anyone else because I'm just me. That's it. No bells, no whistles, no colorful tassels, no furry earmuffs. This is me bare before you.

I'm not sure how one would further describe this vulnerability I share with you now. To know I am this open to the world around me, especially to you, and to feel how quickly you raise your sword and pierce the flesh. The wounds are so deep that I fear none will ever mend. Do you feel better? Does some magical weight lift from you because you have cut me so? Will you sleep peacefully knowing that you've dissected my heart? That you've done all you can to appear to be this wonderful person, when in fact you still berate all around you, slowly taking a pound of flesh each time. I love you. You are one a the few people I can truly say I love and still you squalor my love as if is a never ending stream.

It kills me.

Truly, honestly kills me.

How can I begin to mend and allow others in my heart? The one constant in my life turns out to be constant in their delivery of pain. I am not a horrible person. I have literally given my last dollar. I do extend myself to strangers. I am open to be loving and obviously forgiving. And all without recognition... yet you claim I'm the ungrateful, I'm the spoiled, and I'm the rude person you "can't believe" you've ever met...

Shame on you.

You call and give as willingly as ever when you know there are others to comment or just make note of your good deeds. You love to talk highly of others because then you are the person that is just so proud of others. Yet in our dark, dirty little corner... I know who you really are. I know the maliciousness in your tone when you are "only trying to help". I have felt the pain from your own hand. Tell me again why I am the horrible one. Oh wait, I remember.. I'm the one that ran from you. I'm the one that 'made you do it'. You had to control me better. Right? That's the reason, isn't it. That's what you've convinced yourself of, correct?

Shame on you.

No one thinks about you, right? No one thinks of your feelings, you are always last to be considered right? No one is ever nice to you. Everyone is always mean, and always saying hateful things. Everyone takes advantage of you. Even your own. You are always all alone because of everyone else's doing. You are always, always wronged. Yet you forget that you have had people who do wonderful things for you. Plan surprises, only to have you overlook them or ruin them, or worse yet, complain of them. Offer things you want and need or just something you will like, yet you never care for any of it. You destroy the nice things you say you need and then complain of it.

Shame on you!

You have been so busy all these years picking out the reasons to not do something or finding the one misplaced word in a conversation that starts a fight. You have claimed that you have been ignored and mistreated. You have claimed innocence in all of this. Yet you have NEVER taken a good look at the situation for what it is. A poor attempt at manipulation.

Shame on me...

Shame on me for allowing you to bog my heart and my mind down so much. You've spoken your last hateful word to me. You've lain your hand on me for the last time. I will not be anyone's whipping boy. I will not be anyone's cause for martyrship. I can roam this world without you. That is not impossible. I've done it thus far. My life will continue as will yours. The world will still turn, but you will never be able to hold me down again. I'm allowing myself to be free.

I guess I should thank you for the many years of abuse. At least now, I know I can handle a beating when delivered. Both mentally and physically. Even emotionally, I've got this. Looks as if I'll serve well....

Thanks.