New Changes in Life

Right so I've kinda tanked at writing every day.  Which makes it even worse cos I really feel like I just have so much to share and so many stories I'd like heard.

That being said, I'm taking on a new venture.  I have finally taken the final steps to an actual life long dream of mine.  Come Summer 2016, I will not be in Rio as I had originally hoped, but instead I will be traveling to my country of service embarking on the greatest adventure!  I have joined an international service organization that I've wanted to serve with since I was a little girl.  I am SOOOO stinkin excited!! And since I'm a wannabe writer, I hope to be journaling my adventure.  Not only for my friends and family to join me on my adventures but maybe one day a future volunteer might want some insight as to what I have gone through.  

Now a smarter more prepared person would have begun journaling the day of intent or even application.  I should have started the day I received my invitation.  But I did none of those things....

So from this point forward I will work on documenting my current status and the steps taken til departure.  Once in country I will make it a daily goal to live every moment I can and document those  moments in the quiet time of my day.  Pictures and posts will not be a priority. I hope to return to the times where we as humans engaged in life around us and used reflection as a time to write about it.  

My goal is to live and share that life.

So there will be a new blog thread soon.  I'm making a full creative blogger that will still be connected to these two but allows me to have all my thoughts some what organized.

Also, since I'm learning some programming, expect these pages to start looking wicked cool.... Assuming I can put my classwork to good use!

I will continue to entry on each blog as I can and feel the need to.  Any and all comments, questions, concerns etc are always welcome!

I love you for reading any of these posts and sticking with me over the last couple of really rough years. I appreciate you more than I'll ever be able to fully express!  

See you soon!!!

XxMiiDXx

Star Charts

So I thought I'd be silly and check out this star chart from when I was born.

I am actually a little surprised how accurate this thing is... I'll let you read a bit about me...

Rising Sign is in 04 Degrees Capricorn 
You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. Older looking and very serious as a youth, things lighten up and you relax more as you mature. You have a serious view of the world as being a difficult place to be in. Very envious of those who seem to have an easier life than you have, relaxation and play do not come easily. It is important that you had abundant parental support as a child so that you do not feel lonely and isolated as an adult. Generally, you have a good, earthy sense of humor that can carry you through when times really do get tough. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible. 

Sun is in 18 Degrees Cancer. 
Very emotional and sensitive, you have an intuitive understanding of the "vibes" around you. You tend to be quite generous, giving, loving and caring, but only when your own needs for emotional support, love and security have been met. If they are not met, you tend to withdraw into yourself and become very insecure and selfish. Your home and family (especially your mother or the person who played that role for you early on) represent security for you and thus assume a larger-than-life importance. Very sentimental, you have vivid and long- enduring memories of the past. No matter how well adjusted you are, you will always need a secret quiet place of your own in order to feel at peace. Feeding others can give you great pleasure you would enjoy being part of a large family. 

Moon is in 24 Degrees Sagittarius. 
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity. 

Mercury is in 07 Degrees Leo. 
You are usually quite convinced that your own ideas are correct and you enjoy persuading others that they are. At times, you are very stubborn and proud of your beliefs and principles, and you get very defensive when they are challenged. You appreciate truth and honesty -- you practice it yourself and expect it in others. You have good talent for organizing, directing and planning. You delight in being asked for your advice and counsel. 

Venus is in 25 Degrees Cancer. 
You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships -- only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while. 

Mars is in 14 Degrees Scorpio. 
Your likes and dislikes are strong and intense, never casual or superficial. You are known for your persistence and willful obsession. Once you have decided on a course of action, you are unstoppable. Your emotional actions tend to be extreme, although you try to keep them muted. You are not quick to anger, you do slow burns. And you tend to release your anger as sarcasm or irony. Beware of your tendency to hold grudges and to be vengeful. When you do fight, or release your internal tensions, you do so body and soul -- you become totally passionate and your outbursts are awesome to behold. 

Jupiter is in 06 Degrees Capricorn. 
You tend to feel that the only results that are worthwhile are the results that are concrete and demonstrable. You distrust abstract solutions and appreciate measurable achievements. An excellent organizer and planner, you are optimistic as well as practical and realistic about what can and what cannot happen. Very responsible, you consider it a personal weakness to be wrong about anything. This makes you appropriately cautious. You are very efficient but you tend to be cool and detached.

Saturn is in 09 Degrees Scorpio. 
You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released -- your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly. 

Uranus is in 10 Degrees Sagittarius. 
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world. 

Neptune is in 29 Degrees Sagittarius. 
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village." 

Pluto is in 29 Degrees Libra. 
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly. 

N. Node is in 06 Degrees Gemini. 
You will consciously seek out many different contacts with others throughout your life. Many of these will be of very short duration, not necessarily because you're fickle, but just because you always seem to be more excited by the prospect of meeting someone new rather than prolonging your present relationships. At any rate, you will learn something new from almost everyone you come across -- intellectual stimulation is what you crave from others. You will be well known to neighbors and relatives, partly due to your curiosity about what they're doing -- you delight in keeping up-to-date about the latest news (and gossip). 

Lost Lamb

I had an interesting evening.  And I know I needed to get back to sharing thoughts with my (what, maybe 2) readers.  So this is probably the best time to share.

This evening I knew I didn't want to spend another Saturday evening just doing homework.  So the wonderful BBaer had an AWESOME idea for us to hit up some laser tag.

We actually played with a huge group and had a blast!! I wasn't even the lowest score!! And I didn't shoot him a single time! That's a win in my book!!

We spent a ridiculous amount of time in the arcade as well!  Oh! And I got my faux-coon!!! He's cute although he doesn't have a name just yet.

Not that our silliness isn't riveting, but on to the interesting part... 

BBaer had another brilliant idea to curb my shake craving so we went to a local place in our hometown.  (This is where the interesting part actually comes in...)

So we had finished our midnight snack and were just sitting chatting when this woman and girl come in to the diner.  The woman was short in stature but so very beautiful with a very open and nonchalant air about her. The girl was tall and pretty and crying. It's been a while since I've seen someone look so utterly crushed (not counting my mirror).  Her eyes were swollen and rimmed-red with thin streaks of mascara dripping down her face. I had NO IDEA what was going on but my heart broke for her.  I watched them sit and tried to ease drop from across the room but to little avail.  When BBaer and I got up to leave, I couldn't help it, I was compelled to go offer a hug or a shake or something.

Turns out she was having a VERY rough night and that lovely woman that she came in with was none other than an angel within the skin of a stranger.

Lost Lamb is a 17 year old girl that The Angel picked up off the side of the road.  With no shoes and essentially dressed in pajamas (or every day wear for sorority girls, take your pick), Lost Lamb was sobbing on the side of the street near the high school. The Angel, being a mother herself, picked up Lost Lamb and offered to bring her to the diner so she could calm down and they could talk.  

I listened to her story.  I related to her on so many levels.  I truly believe in my heart of hearts that tonight was meant to happen as it did.  The girl had run from what she viewed as a bleak situation.  The Angel saw a vehicle drive off from Lamb and took initiative.  To be a 17 year old girl, middle child, and dealing with all that teenage angst and drama, then to not know where to turn when you're so overwhelmed you want to run???  That's so hard.  I'm so grateful that we got her to call her sister and at least tell someone where she was.

After talking to her sister, I realized many things.  This was a well loved little girl but she's been getting lost in the shuffle as she's hit her teens. She doesn't feel like she matters enough to anyone and she doesn't see what's right in front of her.  I know how hard it is to look beyond your own mental block, but bless her, she has to do that.  

The Angel and I both offered solace to Lost Lamb both there in the diner and a way for her to contact either of us in the future.

It will be a very long and bumpy road for Lost Lamb, but I hope tonight helped open her eyes as well as the eyes of her sister. I hope she utilizes my number or The Angel's offer.  Lost Lamb has had a rough go of things tonight and I hope her trip home was a quiet one. Hopefully tomorrow she will take the opportunity to talk to her family.

I'm in no position to ever judge a teenager for their choices.  There are a good number of people who can attest to my continuous poor decisions. But I hope that I can be what I needed when I was her age. I hope that my experiences can give her a different perspective and maybe even a different option to some of the ones she has been making.  Lost Lamb has prompted a need in me. I hope she (and her parents of course) will allow me an opportunity to help her.  I'm half tempted to call my alma mater and see if I can volunteer some how in the school.  She can't be the only one struggling so hard.  I hope that others can find peace and relatability in me. 

I was lucky.  I had some pretty scary thoughts as a teen and if it weren't for some fantastic people in my life, I don't know that I would be on this Earth today. 

My heart hurts for Lost Lamb but I know Grace put her in the path of The Angel and myself for a very good reason.  Hopefully, this isn't all there is!!

Ya know, I think faux-coon may have a name after all. (But you'll still know him as faux-coon!!)

Wildcat (LIVE)

It's been a while since I've written, I know.  But, had a SICK time at the concert last night.... Here's a glimpse of some of the show!  Thank goodness for tall friends who can film over people's heads for me!!!

Nature and the Asshole

Warning:  This post is dealing with a highly debatable subject.  There is a lot of pain, confusion, and ANGER in this post.  If you are offended by the first line, you definitely will not like the rest.  

Remember:  My thoughts and comments are my own.  I don't ever mean to offend anyone but I also don't have to censor myself as some would choose to believe.  It's MY BLOG.  Feel free to take the release to Elsewhere if you are so inclined.

What happens when there is a miscarriage?  I don't mean the physiological bits, I certainly understand that, I mean the metaphysical bits.  What happens when someone figures out they are pregnant when they miscarry?

So today I heard a SERIOUSLY insensitive remark made to someone who has miscarried this year.  A loved one said, "you need to have a baby, I'm ready to have one in the house."  My shock was probably well hidden since very few people know of the pregnancy and miscarriage situation at all.  I was just flabbergasted that this person would even think to say such a thing to her.  I realize the person probably wasn't thinking when the remark was made but it's certainly resonated in my mind for the rest of the evening.

What happens when there is a miscarriage??  

I'll be honest and share a little of the situation with you. She started getting physically sick but we all kinda chalked it up to stress.  Then, just in case, she took a test and it came out positive.  After reading about the test, we realized there is a slight possibility of a false positive so a retest would be in order after a couple more weeks.  Second test came back inconclusive and she got really sick again but this time with pain.  Flash forward a month and the doctor says pregnancy test is positive, but the ultrasound shows no embryo.  So, diagnosis became "miscarriage".  

So what happened?  Did the stress do her in?  Was her body just not viable for carrying a baby?  Did Nature right a wrong?  Did God answer some asshole's prayer? Or another asshole original asshole confided in??  I feel a lot of anger for her, simply because asshole became ASSHOLE to begin with.  I know she was scared when she first suspected but I think she had finally come to some peace about the whole situation.  It was a scary time when we found out there was a chance, but I think secretly we were all kinda excited for her, just sad it was ASSHOLE in the picture.

With all the debates in the recent years over a woman's body, I wonder at what point did the embryo become a baby to be miscarried???  Was it the moment she recognized the situation?  The moment her body withdrew the option?  Was it even a baby?  Did it have any soul to speak of?  What happened?

I know we have talked before about prayers.  But I have to wonder, whose prayer got answered in this instance?  Was it the asshole's prayer "please god don't let her be pregnant"?  Was it the grandmother's "please God give me a grand baby"? Was it the mother's "please God help me find my way"? Whose prayer?  Did her body end a life?  Did Nature?  Was it even a "life" to be ended at that point??  

I don't think many (if anyone actually reads these) understand how heartbreaking this is for me to write.  But there are questions.  Questions that may never be answered.  Questions that will linger forever in the back of all our minds.

I'll never fully understand Nature but I hope I can find a place to be a peace with the workings of the universe.  I hope we all will.  I don't know whether to feel sad for her loss or relieved for the release she now has from the asshole.  It's a terrible thing to lose a child, but how is one to feel about an unexpected miscarriage.  I know my friend takes the side of "a woman's right to her own body" but she would never participate in an abortion.  I guess nature had other plans for them.  My heart hurts for the whole shitstorm that brewed.  I'm very sad that she didn't even have the one person she hoped to lean on through anything and everything.  He wasn't there.  He became a bigger asshole than anyone could foresee.

They say time heals all wounds, but does that include ones like these??

My tears blur my typing now, so I guess I'll rest on this point: Hug someone today, you really have no idea what Nature has thrown at them nor do you know who went from friend to Asshole in their lives.

Be kind to everyone.... Unless it's the Asshole, in that case KICK HIM HARD!!!

Quick start: Dream or Call-to-Arms?

It was 5:11am.  I know, I checked my phone.

I heard her call me.

It was so loud. 

As if she was up here in the room with me.  

It was her voice, I know her voice better than most hit radio songs.  I know it was her.  She woke me from a dead sleep.

My body is still thrown off from the quick awakening.  But I went down stairs and they are both really quiet.  She wasn't snoring, which is weird but, I don't know, I didn't want to wake her up for nothing.  

But I heard her.  

My stomach aches now.  Could be the result of waking up as I did, or something else.  I feel like something is wrong which is why I was called in my sleep, but what is it?  

What happened?  

Who woke me??

I'm trying to think back to stomach pains like this but honestly, lately, it's in everything I do.

Maybe it's Granny.  I need to call Granny today.  I hope someone answers the phone for her.

I'm worrying myself a bit.  Maybe I should go wake her up.  But I'm fairly certain she doesn't believe any of this.  She'll likely call it a nightmare or something.  But I hear her like she was at the foot of my bed.

I remember dreaming about Jake before he died.  It was a couple times when DQ and I didn't even know he was missing yet.  I dreamt of him being lost and afraid.  I still miss him.  If only I would have known then what I know now.

I dreamt of DoDo too.  It was a memory but a vivid one as if my mind was recollecting one of my favorite memories.  That's how I knew the book was meant to be mine.

I knew the moment Uncle Joe went too.  I felt those awful pains, even got sick in the middle of Mass.  That was a terrible pain but I understand now why it felt like that for me.  I can't begin to fathom it for him.  

I still hear the echo of her call in my mind.  I know something isn't right but I don't know where to begin looking.  I guess I sleep if my body will let me and address it during the daylight??

I hope everything is okay.

Day 45

Day 45

March 3, 2015

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions.  DQ was really sick early this morning.  Turns out she needed a transfusion.  After her transfusion she seemed to perk up quite a bit.  She worked hard in her PT and OT but we still can't get her blood pressure up.

We have figured out a small selection of plans depending on the outcome of the next couple of days.  I am grateful for Polo-er and Marine and BBaer talking me down from the crazy! I'd be lost without them!! BBaer tells the best jokes and makes DQ laugh.  

I wish I could write more, but I realize now where my life has lead me.  From this weekend on, I am now the primary caregiver (and full time) for both Grumpy and DQ.  She will need a TON of support and help for the next several months and possibly the rest of her life.  I will continue to write and strengthen my passion for literature but I realize they are going to have to remain my primary focus.  Maybe I can work on my post-bacc later but we will just have to see what happens in the future.

I'm exhausted and need to sleep.  Nurses will be in to wake us at 4am.  

Sleep sweet y'all.

Day 42-44

Day 42-44

February 28, 2015 - March 2, 2015

Well.  I am doing a "lump" post because well, the last few days have been kinda a blur.... Let me explain.

Saturday (28th), I was due to go for an open call with Extreme Weight Loss season 6.  I get 15 minutes from camp when Grumpy calls me a little panicked.  He says DQ fell and broke her leg, I have to turn back.  I tell him to dial 9-1-1 and I'm on my way.  I get to camp and DQ is screaming bloody murder while the First Responders are trying to move her.

Oh yes, it gets worse.

She's taken to hospital about 25 miles away, down the mountain.  Grumpy and I finally find the correct hospital and get in. Turns out DQ has fractured her FEMUR.  The strongest bone in the human body was fractured by DQ turning around.  

Saturday night DQ was taken into surgery.  To say I was a little stressed is an understatement so after I took Grumpy back to camp to take care of the herd, DQ ordered me to continue with my original plans for the evening. It involved a really expensive hotel suite and some of my favorite current-Californians.  LadyHips ended up not joining us after all, which means that Kcup, my shopper, and Abs didn't come either since we were just gonna go out to a club or something.  So calling to check in every  so often with DQ, Marine, Polo-er and I went to blow off some steam.  Essentially, Marine acted like an ass and Polo-er talked me down from my freak out.

Drama really does follow me everywhere I go.  Some dumbass bouncer put his hands on Polo-er and Marine about ripped his head off.  I thought Marine was just being antagonistic since the bouncer had been a dick to all of us already.  No one told me about bouncer prat putting his hands on Polo-er or I may have actually let Marine at him after I kneed him in the bollocks!! I should mention, Polo-er is 5'2"!!! That prat was nearly 6' and what the hell did he have ANY RIGHT to put his hands on her?!? At all!!! I'm still pretty livid about that!!

DQ got out of surgery well.  Her doc fell asleep just after surgery so he forgot to call me, but I called her and we chatted at about 03:30 Sunday morning.  I went back to hospital Sunday to stay with DQ.

Let's just say, there is a LOT of medical jargon, lots of stress, and a ton of contingency plans being hatched every day since Saturday morning. 

Gist of it is that DQ will definitely be spending more time in California.  Grumpy and I may or may not drive (quickly) back to Texas with the herd.  And I may or may not be flying back to California (assuming I leave) to work on rehab with DQ before flying her home as well.  There are a lot of "what ifs" and uncertainties at this point.  I won't get too specific in her care but know we are pretty much done with our trip and we are working on recovery to get DQ back  to Texas ASAP.

Day 41

Day 41

February 27, 2015

Miles: 

Today is Cole's birthday! I'm so excited for her! I miss my friends and family.... I just wanted to share that.

I've been feeling quite a bit under the weather today.  That being said, we are about to be under some weather out here in the mountains.  Storms are moving in and we have no way of moving out.  

So why Jubilee is getting her attitude adjustment we have no way to move our trailer about.... Here's hoping the rain doesn't shift is even more than we already are....

Word to the wise: When camping/RVing/traveling alternately, be careful who you engage in conversation.  Met a local today that told me "they" are out to get her and manipulate her.  "They" have been stalking and harassing her.  "They" are testing her illegally and torturing her cat.  I don't know who "they" is but I want to avoid at all costs...

 Really my day has been fairly boring today.  I've been scoping out bus routes and train routes except the ones I need don't run on Saturdays...  I guess I'll just have to get creative for tomorrow.  I've spent most of the day sleeping, reading, sneezing, and playing my Lego games.  Hopefully I'll kick his cold before tomorrow morning!!

Sleep Sweet everyone.

I miss you when we laugh together.

I love that you pay attention to the little things (sometimes).

Goodnight!

Xx

Day 40

Day 40

February 26, 2015

Miles: (Jub is being fixed so we are in the Edge!) 

Waking at 5am to drive into the city at 6 means several things: 1. You miss majority of the 7am traffic; 2. People drive a little stupider because they are eating/drinking/waking up/finishing dressing/etc.; 3. You get to watch the Valley below wake up with the sunrise.

That last one has been my favorite part of the day.  Watching the sun crest over the peaks and slowly spill down into the valley gives such a sense of tranquility.  It's a fabulous start to a day!! It amazes me that I am not a morning person because I love the morning.  I just hate the waking part.  I wish I could share the beauty of this morning.  The mist rising from the ponds and lakes in the surrounding area.  Watching the fog down in the lower valleys dissipate with the rising sun.  It's all so organic and serene.  I love this place!!

So I decided to start writing as the day goes.  It helps me keep my thoughts fresh and my writing up to date.  It has helped a lot today since I caught my thoughts and feelings on this morning's sunrise.

I need a vacation from my vacation.  This weekend I'm super stoked because I'll be staying in a posh hotel with some friends and I'll be able to go out, have too many drinks, do something (probably) stupid, and just have a good time.  No worries, no cares, just me and my friends being awesome!  I can't waits. It will bra much needed time away.

Oh, if by chance you don't hear from me ever again, it's cos I died attempting mass trans of SoCal.  I'm just saying.

Every one in the cabin is feeling under the weather.  We haven't exactly put ourselves in the best position at this point and honestly, getting sick would just be sprinkles on this sundae on bullshit.  I don't want to be bothered by any of it any longer.  Ugh!! I'm going to bed.

I miss snuggles.

I miss goodnight kisses.

I love my pillows.

Goodnight!

XX 

Day 39

Day 39

February 25, 2015

Miles: (I accidentally cleared the tripometer I was keeping, so now I have to do math:-/)

To all the people that decided to text/snap/message/FaceTime me this morning:  you suck! I love you, but really every single one of you suck!!  Remember I am TWO HOURS BEHIND YOU!!!  That means that if you are driving to work and it's snowing at 7am and you decided to snap a photo and send it or text me to tell me about it or FaceTime because you want me to see what I'm missing, DON'T!!! It's 5am in California when it's 7am in Texas!!! I love you but SHUT UP TIL A DECENT HOUR!!!!

That being said, I was up early today.  We drove from our pretty awesome campground this morning to the middle of the mountains again.  This time we are in a different mountain range, just north of San Diego.  And I have mobile service out here, but that's about it.  To get to our campground you have to take about 14 miles of whinding, curvaceous, mountain roads.  It's gorgeous but damn it's work to get out here.

So leaving camp tonight to run into town to the store, one of the neighbors down the way hollered frantically as we were driving by, so DQ (yes, I let her drive, yes, I was terrified the entire time, no, I'll try to never let that happen again) backed up so we could see what was wrong.  This guy yells "we need help" and I notice a little old lady sitting on the ground outside a trailer.  Me, being the good Girl Scout I am, jumped out of the truck (literally) and ran over to the lady (yes really). She refused medical help but I did end up helping her into the trailer.  I'm sorry she fell and got hurt, but man was I bummed about being covered in urine after the whole ordeal.  I encouraged her to call an EMS to at least be looked at, but I've learned from caring for Grumpy that you can't force people into what they don't want.  She didn't want medical attention, that is her perogative.  I wish I could have at least tended to her wounds, but I won't force care on anyone.  It makes me sad.  She shouldn't be living in that trailer alone.  She can hardly stand, I'm not actually sure she can stand without assistance.  I ended up picking her up and placing her in her chair.  It's just heartbreaking.  I wish Grumpy would understand that's exactly where he'd be without me and DQ.  Who knows how long she sat out there almost indecent in her attire, covered in her own filth and bloody.  I just.... It makes me too sad. 

I sang loudly in the shower tonight because magically the light shut off while I was showering and I swear someone was in the bathroom with me.  So I sang as loud as I could cos I figured if someone was there to "get me" maybe my sound may freak them out, or maybe they'd think I was so crazy they'd have to keep me subdued as I may start screaming like a banshee!  Either way, I was a little freaked out while I finished my shower. And when I was drying my hair I swear I saw someone in the corner of my eye in the shower area.  Needless to say, I'll be much louder when I head to the showers and bathrooms.

I'm exhausted and we have to be up at 5am tomorrow morning to take Jubilee in to the Ford house in SD.

Sleep sweet my people!

I miss you.

I think I still love you.

Goodnight.

Xx

P.S. Picture from sunset/dusk over the mountain

Day 38

Day 38

February 24, 2015

Miles: 5148.9

Long ass drive!

Big ass fight!

I'm tired of being the piñata.  How do I get off this train of crazy?!?

Our stop over tonight is in Valencia, I think.

The truck has a SEVERE attitude and needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment.  So tomorrow I'll be hauling ass to get as close to SD as possible to get this damn thing fixed.  We won't make it out of California at this point simply because the engine may explode before then.... 

F balls!! I'm wiped and need to sleep.  I'll catch y'all on the flip side.

Day 37

Day 37

February 23, 2015

Miles: 4822

Today was a BLAST!!

Okay so we decided to stay another night here in Lodi and dude! I'm being spoiled today because of it!!

First stop of the day, Lodi Wine & Visitor's Center.

Yeah, no joke!! There are over 65 vineyards just in this small town so we popped in to get a little extra information and directions!!

The wonderful lady at the Visitor's Center gave us a LOT of information so DQ (Grumpy stayed home with most of the herd) and I decided a quick bite for lunch and we could plan our route while we eat.  I figured since downtown was so cute the other night when I went to the cinema, I'd take DQ down and show her around a bit.  We saw an old McDonald's (like the original store design) but I forgot to take a picture for CDawn!! (Please tell her I'm sorry but I have gifts for her!!). Downtown Lodi is so cute!! It's got that hometown feel to it.  Most of the people in this area have been here their whole lives and fully plan on future generations in this land.  It's a lovely thought that I used to share, but now I'm just glad to have them be locals while I travel the world.  

There isn't much in this town that isn't absolutely adorable!

We stopped at ShangriLa and had bento boxes for lunch.  It actually filled us both up pretty good and we had a lovely waiter (local of course) that helped us figure out our winery plan of attack!

Second stop of the day's tour was Jessie's Grove estate.

Have I mentioned I love CALIFORNIA?!?!??

The vineyard looks like someone's farmhouse and honestly it's like coming home to the family farm when you pull up.  They welcome you right in and find out how the family is!! Our sommelier, Andrew, was lovely!! We did the reds tasting and HOLY CRAP!! It was pretty damn good!  I ended up buying two different bottles; I loved it so much!  The grounds themselves were beautiful!

I think that's my favorite place so far, and not just because of the wine (even though it was scrumptious and I'm not sure those bottles will make it home before I drink them!!) but it was just a warm and welcoming place.  Peaceful.  Made my heart warm and full.  I loved it.

Our next stop ended up being the last of the wine portion of our day because SOME PEOPLE can't seem to hold their wine tasters very well..... ahem.

Michael David's despite being born the same year as the most AWESOMEST person YOU know, I wasn't very impressed with their wine or their sommelier for that matter.  I did end up buying a bottle I liked but that was mainly because I had already promised myself at least one bottle from each winery we tasted in.  The grounds were lovely but they had that generic hotel/staged feel to them.  The garden looked like a exquisite place for a party/wedding/etc but it was too cold feeling to me.  

I don't know.  I think I was just THAT impressed with Jessie's Grove. 

Our final stop for the day was all about DQ.  

I found a Ghirardelli outlet near Stockton, CA so I drove DQ down to shop and taste a little.  To say she was excited would be a SERIOUS understatement!  It was pretty awesome though, we walked in the door, were welcomed and handed peppermint bark candy.  WHO WOULD ARGUE WITH THAT?!?!? And peppermint being my favorite, I was pretty sold on the place.  Needless to say, I picked up a gift or two for some of my favorite people, so I plan on being SUPER popular when I get home!!

All in all its been a good day.  I brought home lots of wine and chocolate so yeah we are good.  Tomorrow is going to be a hella long day, so I'm headed to bed!  

I love you enough to think of you when I go places.

I miss you enough to buy you a gift even if you said you didn't want it; I am my mother's daughter.

Goodnight!!

Xx

P.S.  Y'all see your gifts??

Day 36

Day 36

February 22, 2015

Miles: 4756

Today has been a long but good day!! 

We started out on the road to San Francisco and let me tell you, central California is BEAUTIFUL!! Too bad no one seems to know how to be courteous nor how to drive.  It's a bit ridiculous!  

So we drove to the north side of the Bay so we could take 101 South across Golden Gate Bridge.  I took a few pictures from the look out cos DAMN was it spectacular!!

We finally figured out how to cross the bridge into San Francisco downtown.  I have never been so turned around in my life.  Sad thing was I could guesstimate where everything was, and mostly accurately but I couldn't necessarily figure out how to get there.  It definitely doesn't help to have a passenger that's a back seat driver! Sheesh!!

DQ decided since we haven't really gotten Grumpy much seafood, we should splurge and go eat on Fisherman's Wharf.  So we park next to a Bentley (holy crap!!) (my fifth one since we've gotten here!!) and go into The Franciscan Crab Restaurant.  Lunch is a pretty big affair.  We each ordered appetizers and then shared this giant skillet of crab and shrimp.  I can honestly say now I have finally had Dungeness crab AND cracked my own crab! (It was interesting to say the least... The very least!)

I'll be honest I wasn't super impressed with the food, especially for what we were paying, but it was a nice afternoon and we did sit right on the water.  Most of my meal was spent looking at the ships and Alcatraz.

After lunch, DQ and I wanted to see if we could find some true San Franciscan icons.  We drove around til we found Chinatown and then went in search of Lombard Street.  Yes, Lombard is quite easy to find if you look at a map, however, we were looking for the. Most iconic part of Lombard.  There is this short section, literally only a block long, that is sooo steep that they have built a labyrinth of sorts to drive down it.  It is illegal to bicycle, skate, or walk down this section.  You may only drive down or take the stairs lining either side.  It was equally awesome and terrifying!  Even in the big truck, we made it down safely.  People kept stopping to take pictures of us navigating this drive.  I wish DQ could take decent pictures or I'd show y'all just how it looked from the cab.  (California has strict rules about drivers touching their phones, thus you do not get pictures from the road anymore, even if I was using a piece of equipment designed to help me be safer... I don't want to risk a ticket not be disrespectful to the CA laws.). Either way, if you ever get the chance to drive or ride around San Francisco, Lombard and Hyde is where you want to start!!   Oh and at the bottom of the curves, if you keep going to Columbus you are likely to see the "jump on and off" trolley car (which of course we didn't get a picture of either.... le sigh).

Our adventure to SFO ended much how it began, a bridge and a long drive back. But it was definitely worth the drive to see all those historic sections of one of the biggest western hubs.  

I'm loving CALIFORNIA more and more.

Oscars tonight.  So originally, my plan had been to beg a friend to get me passes to the red carpet in Los Angeles, but as we are up here, that didn't happen.  But we did get home in time for me to catch some of the Oscars.  I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this year's Oscars.  I'm torn.  I'm sort of proud that people are standing up and speaking up about injustices.  But I'm also sort of bummed they are speaking up at times when we should be celebrating talent and nothing but...  I'm a feminist.  I believe in equal rights for all people.  And I don't give a flying hootinnanny about your color or your background. I change colors more than anyone else I've ever met!! I also had some low times in my life.  But dude, you just won an Oscar because you busted your ass to be the best at what you do!! Treasure that!!! Let politics and bureaucratic nonsense be saved for a time when we aren't celebrating what a badass YOU are!

If you want to make a big statement about color and gender and sexuality equalities, you cover every bit of you from head to toe.  Let them guess your color/creed/ethnicity/gender.  Be neutral.  You want equality for everyone, then STOP putting qualifications to the segregation.  It wasn't just a black man that was gunned down in the streets, it was somebody's brother/son/nephew/father/etc. Focus on the real issues, not YOUR issues.  Celebrities make BANK on what they look like.  There is NO disputing that.  None of them got where they are today with their body fully covered in a burlap sack.  Even radio hosts are being taped for television shows.  You make your money on how you look, why the hell are you now saying "don't treat me different because of the way I look"?!?  You are sending mixed messages!!

If I were to ever have/raise children, I'd hope they wouldn't think twice about whether someone was a certain color or gender or anything RIDICULOUS like that.  They will never find someone their own ethnicity, unless it's a fullblood sibling.  There will never be ANYONE the same color as them because all pigmentation has anomalies.  There will never be anyone just like them because everyone is special.  They will learn that love is the binding factor for the world.  Love and be loved.  That's all there is.  

Oscars, I believe I am now disappointed.

I love you because that's what I do, love.

I miss you because I could use one of your hugs right now.

Goodnight!!

Xx

P.S.  Here's a couple #AggiesEverywhere for y'all:

Day 35

Day 35

February 21, 2015

Miles:  4565

Friggin BIRDS!!! Yes! I said BIRDS!!! Okay, so if you know me (and I mean personally), you know I'm not a huge fan of the feathered fiends.  If you've known me long, you know why... If you don't know why (or if you do, skip ahead cos I'm telling these poor people), then I'll explain.  Seventh grade (means I was 11-12 years old), my Language Arts teacher, whom I love dearly, wanted her students to be cultured I guess, so she introduced us to Alfred Hitchcock's genius.  As you can probably guess, we watch The Birds.  Now I've never been to into birds, they are loud, smelly and carry diseases.  So you can imagine how my fantastic little brain reinvented my understanding of birds from that point.  I walked home from school that day (and every subsequent day, I believe) carrying my musical instrument case and portable stand as if they were baseball bats ready to beat any bird that came within swinging distance, I don't discriminate, they were ALL going down!  Fast forward to this morning.  We go up to the Visitor's Center and I notice the collection of seabirds on the calm water this morning. I studied MARB, logic tells me a school or five came into the cove area and the birds are feeding, I get it (I'm not completely irrational).  So we go into the Visitor's Center and next to the viewing tide pool tank is a collection of news articles on the wall.  All of them reflecting the summer of 1961 when thousands upon thousands of birds amassed in Aptos, CA covering the bay and the streets and literally everywhere.  Then the articles go on to the story of the great director, Alfred Hitchcock, in town researching the flocked surge for an upcoming film.  THEN the next articles detail Hitchcock's fantasizing the attacks of birds in his new film "The Birds"!!!!

I have a high tolerance for a lot.  I can handle a lot of shit.   This... This I did not handle well.   I have NEVER been so excited to not have stay somewhere again in my entire life!!! I couldn't even handle the suggestion of the connection let alone the actual connection between the fictional story that terrified me as a child and the true reality I was seeing in water in front of me.

Needless to say, we were packed up and moved out within the hour.   

We drove further inland.  We went over "the hill" as SR17 is known as. It was pretty spectacular.  We drove down a mountain side covered in coast redwoods (skinny but super tall). We waved at San Joae for BBaer as we drove by.  By late afternoon, we had made it to Lodi.  And boy did we luck out!!!  This place has a dog park on the property!! Three acres of fenced in running space? The herd was in heaven!

I used the red cabbage and carrots from yesterday's chop up to make lettuce wraps tonight.  They were AWESOME!!

And now, since it is Saturday night and still fairly early, I'm gonna go into town and catch a movie I've been patient (a little too patient probably) to see, "50 Shades of Grey".  Before I get hate mail or ridiculed for promoting seeing this movie, you don't know me.  You do not know my station in life, and you certainly do not know how very dear this project is to my heart, so SOD OFF.  Respectfully.

I'm shutting off my phone now as to not be disrespectful in the theater.  Sleep well everyone.

I love you because you still find time to play and be silly with me.

I miss you simply because.

Goodnight!

Xx

Day 34

February 20, 2015

Miles: 4417

Today we explore the Monterey Bay Area, sort of.  We drove down to Moss Landing to this farmer's market DQ saw on our drive in yesterday.  Turns out the farmer's market was a FANTASTIC idea!!!  They had incredible produce for ridiculously cheap prices.  And since we are in the artichoke capital of the world, of course we bought artichokes (which of course we have NO IDEA how to cook!).  But they had a flat of local strawberries for $7 and avocados 5 for $1. And Meyer lemons... I'd never seen them before but dude! I can't even.... Oh! I'll tell you about them when we get to dinner!!

So we drove on to find the local

Walmart (which we will not even discuss DQ's verbal altercation there!!), since we had to find a proper lead for the last dog.  He pulls on Grumpy and DQ when they try and walk him and frankly I don't wanna visit anymore doctors or ERs so that is stopping IMMEDIATELY!  We passed another farmers market with a food truck.  We ended up stopping on our way back and the truck is actually called The Choke Coach!! It's apparently a pretty big deal.  Tyler Furgeson, I think that's his name, has his picture on the front because he's a huge fan of their French fried chokes.  Which is COMPLETELY understandable because HOLY HELL are they phenomenal!!  I don't know how or what or anything but good God Those things are amazing!!! Please, any foodies out there, go find the Choke Coach and have the French fried artichokes!!!!! SOOO worth the trip!!!! No joke!!

I think that's the greatest snack I've ever had in my life and we all know I'm not that big of a fan of fried food, but damn if that wasn't heavenly!!!

Okay as much as I want to keep carrying on about the choke coach... I have to move on to dinner.  So after all the delicious produce we bought today, DQ and I decided to make a fire in the pit and have ourselves a little BBQ.  Now I won't lie and say every meal has been cheap.  None of them have, but all of the food we bought to make tonight's feast was practically a STEAL!  Groceries are a helluva lot cheaper out here than back home.  I'm just saying, my points before about living where there is fresh is spot on.  Right, so, beach BBQ. Greatest idea ever!!!  I spent the afternoon chopping mushrooms, onions, asparagus, Meyer lemons, sweet chilis, artichokes (a couple eating at the Choke Coach gave us some ideas on how to cook them), elephant garlic, and then red cabbage and carrots for dinner tomorrow.  I'm telling you!!! If they gave awards for most colorful dinners, we'd win every night around here!!  I put everything together in foil so we could just throw them on the grill to cook.  And HOLY HELL was that fabulous!  The steaks were cooked to perfection (and yes I did them by myself!!), the grilled onions and mushrooms were the best!  The asparagus and artichokes were amazing when cooked with the Meyer lemons!! Those lemons are smooth skinned and SOOO juicy! It was scrumptious!!!  Don't tell Grumpy but that was such a healthy meal for all of us!! There weren't many carbs at all and it was fully filling for everyone.

I did have a nice little night light as I cooked.  Take a look at our view of the bay tonight:

I think I heard that Venus and Mars are supposed to be together somewhere up there with the moon or something.  I don't know.  I just thought the dusk was too pretty not to share.

It's another cool night tonight but I smell the fire from the pit in my room and my belly is full from such a lovely spread.  I'm sure the snuggles will be warm and worth it tonight.

I miss our history together.

I love that you always find little ways to show you are thinking of me.

Goodnight!

Xx

Day 33

Day 33

February 19, 2015

Miles:  4347

Woke up this morning to the sound of rushing waves.  

Swells have been HUGE so it safe to say I was bummed about having to leave this gorgeous sight!

We had a LONG drive today.  Went from just south of Santa Barbara all the way up to just south of Santa Cruz.  It's a lot further of a drive than I was expecting.  It was gorgeous though.

At one point, we drove for 27 miles and all you could see were vineyards... Just rows and rows of nothing but vines....  It was gorgeous!  The mountains had these brilliant shades of green all over their rolling hills and then pops of color in orange or yellow randomly.  It was picturesque, in fact I think Grandad and I did that puzzle once.

We stopped for lunch at this local dive called Pappy's in some town along the road.  The food was pretty good but I loved the history that covered the walls.  There were all the local ranch brands up on their main dining room walls and their menus.  The locals are all ranchers of some sort that remind me of the good ole' boys that are rough and tough and don't mind anybody.  It was fun.  Oh! And they made their own pies.  I've recently become a pie-finder of sorts.  The Boy loves pie so I always look for the best pies to tell him about.  I know, I'm lame.

We finally get to our spot this afternoon and I'm not joking, I could trip and fall in the ocean!!  We are directly on the walk along the beach.  We are in another CSB but I almost think this one might be a shade prettier than the last.  Don't get me wrong, I loved Carpinteria, but Seacliff.... Man.... It's a-whole-nother  world up here.

I'm laying in my bed and the cool breeze from the ocean is so chilly and the roar of the crashing waves is so loud yet soothing.  If I could get these damn kids to shut up and go home, this would be perfect!  Well we will overlook the hammock to make complete perfection.

I'm going to relax and listen to the waves tonight.

I miss you.  

I love you.

Goodnight!

Xx

P.S.  Roo made a new friend and I took her picture this morning before we left.  I think he's really missing his best friend... But meet the neighbor's Lucy!!

Day 32

Day 32

February 18, 2015

Miles: 4071

As much as it breaks my heart, I had to do a little housekeeping today so I didn't get to enjoy the beach as much as I would have liked..

The high tide this morning was much needed!  I had forgotten how much I love everything about the ocean.  It's days like these last few where I almost lament not finishing my MARB and not going to school in Cali.... Almost lament.  I'm still proud of being an Aggie, no question.  And although I do miss my dolphins and whales, I'm so grateful for the experiences I had on main campus with my ENGL people!!

But man, have I missed the ocean...

I got to listen to the waves break all day.  That roar of the tide and the smell of the brine make my heart so much lighter.  I'm half tempted to move out here.  Sure, I'd miss my Texas but what can I say? That song of the Pac calls to me...

I've thought a lot about my life recently.  Reconnecting with old friends has me looking at the last 20 years with a more observant eye.  I realize how much I've alienated myself from those I care a lot for.  Even some I haven't spoken to in 10+ years, I still care a lot for them and realize we've missed out on so much in each other's lives.  I'm hoping this next step for me pans out the way I pray it does.  I need a reeducation on the way I treat myself and others.  I'm hoping this project will teach me about living life.

Speaking of projects, I cleaned the racks up today.  I reorganized a bit so the top rack is more open.  Roo proved his nickname when he hopped (yes, literally hopped) up to the top rack.  Now that's almost a 4' clearance and he had legs tucked and everything.  This was no scramble, he just leapt up there.  It was hilarious and amazing all at the same time.  I finally got Lil to get up there and stay (I kept picking her up and putting her up there, but she'd jump down... Damn dogs).  As long as she stays, Roo stays too.  So for the first night in 32 days, I am blogging from my own unobstructed bed.  The only things snuggling me at the moment are all these pillows.... It's kind of glorious.  I love my furry babies, but it's nice to have my own space without being kicked or shoved into the wall.  And I love that they have their own space and aren't kenneled.  Today is a major breakthrough on the anxiety thing for them.  Especially Roo... He's never slept without a human outside of his kennel.  I still may go get him a giant teddy bear like he slept on when he was a tiny baby.  Just so he has a snuggle buddy if Lil is cranky.

So, for the first night in a long time, I'm sleeping under my dogs but in my own space.  We will see how long this lasts tonight.

I miss seeing your face.

I love how you can make my smile through tears.

Goodnight!

Xx

P.S.  Here's a couple shots from this morning's high tide.

Day 31

Day 31

February 17, 2015

Miles: 4051

Whew!  What a day! 

The drive from the San Bernardino National Forest to the state beaches in Santa Barbara is so beautiful (I know, I know! I'll find a thesaurus).  The mountains just jut out from the shore and the colors in the sand and rocks just make a glow on everything.  

Our camp is right. On. The. Beach!! No joke! I already have sand everywhere! I can't wait for tonight! It's gonna be awesome!!

Lunch we went to the joint called the Brophy Bros.

I was thoroughly impressed.  And the food was pretty great too!  Fish & Chips were good, but if you get the chance to go, sit at the bar.... TOTALLY WORTH IT!!  The view is incredible!!

Oh wait, I meant

Hahaha

Let's be honest, both views are pretty spectacular! Haha

The dogs, bless 'em, needed a good run, so we headed out to the Douglass Family Preserve there in Santa Barbara.  It's the giant nature preserve on a clifftop overlooking the beach.

There were people parasailing and flying gliders.

And they are all about off leash dogs, so our herd had a BLAST!  We let them adventure about for a good hour before Roo started hunting for cool dirt to relax on.  We decided to bring 'em back to the truck and head back to camp.

We were back in time for sunset.  If you have snapchat, you can watch sunset with me.  It was GORGEOUS!!

I wanted to write this early today because I've decided to lounge on the beach til it's too cold to handle and head to bed.  Tomorrow is gonna be a wonderful day and I am going seal, sea lion, and whale watching!!

I hope everyone enjoys their evening.  Here's a few pictures from sunset tonight.  I didn't see the green flash, but one day.....

I miss you.

I love you.

Goodnight!!

Xx