Day 9

Sonofabitch!!!

I just a wrote this huge long emotional post and the effing thing just lost the whole damn thing!! UGH!!!

Hope I can remember everything I wrote.

Okay, here's the real, honest-to-God truth:

I feel like the world's biggest dupe!

I am doing all the driving, which I prefer wholeheartedly (see control freak).  But I am completely exhausted.  Traveling with a companion can be a blast.  I, on the other hand, am not having fun, at all.

We've been on our trip a little over a week now.  The views and the cities/towns have been amazing to see and experience.  But the tension and negativity I am traveling with is becoming more and more taxing.  Even the dogs are beginning to react to the animosity and hostility coming from the humans.  There were three huge dog fights, just yesterday.

For those of you that don't know me, I had a really good job after graduation.  The pay wasn't awesome but I loved the work and their was potential for growth within the company.  Grumpy started getting so sick that I quit my job and moved in with him and DQ to help care for him.  Since I've moved in his sugar is under control, he's lost 55 pounds, and he isn't requiring monthly hospital stays.  AND he went to see his long time buddy in Phoenix today.

Now I'm no saint but I do get REALLY hurt when I do everything in my power to help and I get told to "get lost" or "piss off".  I am starting to understand the psychosis of why I chose the people I do in my life, I'm used to being so hurt.  I can handle a lot of things but down right cruelty is not one of them.  

How do I get him to be nicer?  How do I make him happy? Why do I put so much effort in?  He has other children, why am I the one taking care of him when he has done NOTHING to take care of me EVER??  Why am I such a doormat?

I feel like I keep asking the same questions despite the offending perpetrators.  I guess it's me.  Why do I keep allowing this to happen??  Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I'm sad.  And I feel very guilty.  I wanted nothing better than to bust his nose today and leave his ass in the desert!  That makes me a horrible person, I know.  But I'm just tired of him always saying whatever he can to hurt both of our feelings.  He's just so mean and nasty.  

I'm sorry to vent the sad stuff to y'all. I really do want to share the amazing parts to my journey, it's just these low points are getting to be more often and much lower.

Now that I've officially brought the entire trip down :-/  On to my typical post.

Day 9

January 26, 2015

Miles: 1382

Today I learned some very important things:

First, "Auxiliary Field" means there are still active drills!! The AF was kind enough to wake the entire encampment at 0823 this morning with five, very low, very LOUD fly bys.  It will scare the bejesus outta you if you don't know it's coming!!

Second,  the AF does not play around with their drills.  I have figured out that a few minutes before the planes arrive until a minute or so after they depart the area, all signals are off.  Radio, television, satellite, and cellular signals are gone.  Nothing will work!  Apparently the really really don't want anything to screw with their instruments... Either that or they are emitting EMF pulses to make sure no one can video/photo/tweet/whatever their maneuvers or planes.  Who knows.

Third, mapping a location from your current location will only give you distance as the crow flies.  You must actually calculate the path in order to get an accurate traveling distance.  Which is why 38 miles to Phoenix became 72 to our final location.

Finally, most people do not know basic triage for home injuries.  We were at the ER today (shocking I know!) when a girl came in with her hand in a Rubbermaid take away container full of what looked like red sangria.  Turns out mother and daughter were preparing dinner when the daughter sliced her finger tips off using the mandolin.  I was shell-shocked for a number of reasons.  I couldn't believe that this girl was so dangerous using a kitchen utensil that she sliced off the top of her fingers!  It's also shocking to me that her mother didn't know to bandage the wound and keep it elevated to stop the bleeding.  And WHY THE HELL would you keep the bleeding hand in a bowl of ice WATER?!? Of course it wouldn't stop bleeding it was given free flow!! It took DQ telling the lady in patient registration that the girl was bleeding everywhere to get her some help.  I just.... I couldn't believe that she didn't know the basics in injuries.

PEOPLE:  IF YOU DO NOT KNOW BASIC FIRST AID TO HELP

IN A MAJOR HOME ACCIDENT, CALL THE EMTs!! Let them show you how much smarter they are so you won't have to sit in an ER waiting room hoping someone will notice your daughter is bleeding to death from her hand.... Sheesh!! Be proactive people!!!

Oh! For those wondering, DQ's finger is not worse, nor is it better.  They went ahead and put on a half splint, which made us both feel loads better.  ER Dr. Josh even pulled some strings so she can get in to see an orthopedic surgeon this week.  Props Dr. Josh!!!

That being said, we have a beautiful red and white cattle master-border collie that needs to be rehomed.  She is very sweet but needs to be the Center of someone's world.  With three other dogs and two other people that need a lot of care, we are not providing the attention or exercise she needs to be happy.  We are very sad to have to rehome her, but it's not fair to her to have to continue to live in this environment.

Also, we have a handsome black/chocolate lab-Pitt that also needs to find a loving family.  He is so sweet and it breaks my heart to have to give him a new home but as with the other dogs, I can't dedicate the time and energy he needs to be and feel well cared for.  It kills me to not have my baby boy, but he needs people that can play and be silly and give him a happier life.  

With a geriatric parent that can't take care of himself and a fragile parent that won't take care of herself, I have no choice but to find our two youngest new homes where they can be loved and happy.

If you are interested, please message/comment/email/however and let me know.  I'll be glad to send pictures and tell you of our beloved family members in a private conversation.  I don't think I can fully express how much it hurts to have to write all of this, but I'm not being fair to them if we try and keep them as our lives are going at this point.  I'm afraid they'd be miserable and not get everything they each need.

Ugh! Now I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep.

Goodnight my friends.

I miss you.... A lot.

I love you.... Still, too much.

Goodnight...

Xx